Day 1

Day 1:  3-2-2013  246 lbs

I woke up angry this morning. Angry at myself. Angry at my health. At 35, I'm still learning so much about myself. I'm tired of the self loathing, self doubt, feeling like I don't deserve as much as the next guy (as long as I'm willing to work for it). I'm learning that I can't go it alone. And how easy it is to fail when I try. 

I have discovered a very hard truth.  I am an all or nothing kind of guy.  This can be a great thing, or a very harmful thing.  I aim to find balance. 
  
At my peak I weighed in around 302 pounds.  Thank the gods there is very little photographic proof of this.  I weighed 246 today. At this time last year, I was 196. I let a summer injury and excessive stress get me. I gave up. I gave in. I did not do. I'm done with that. I must do. I will do. This is my picture today, but this is not me. I will be back. Period.

Day 1:  3-13-2013:  246 lbs

Day 1 is nearly over.  I feel good.  I know I'm in that euphoric state of beginning.  I know there will trials.   I know there will be set backs and failures.  That is why I refuse to go it alone this time.   For the first time, I'm laying myself at the mercy of others because I need help to keep this going...

After all of that.  All of those thoughts and feelings. That is when I woke up.  I mean, I really felt awake for the first time in a very long while.  I pushed myself out of bed this morning with a gusto I haven't felt for some time.  I made myself an amazing fresh fruit smoothie for breakfast. I made breakfast for my my kids and played for a bit.  And then, this sh*t got real.   I headed out the door to the gym.   I hit the elliptical for a cool 60 minutes (with 8 lb dumbbells) , lifted for twenty, and swam for twenty. And dammit, I felt exhilarated.  I still do as I write this.  

I went grocery shopping today and didn't feel the urge to buy the stress foods that have comforted me for so long.  I had a delicious tuna and cottage cheese sandwich, an apple and a few bagel chips for lunch.  Finished off the daily meals with a damn fine salad made up of romaine, spinach, roma tomatoes, cucumber bits, stop light peppers and homemade dressing of cottage cheese and hot sauce (about 355 calories according to fatsecret.com).