A coworker mentioned something to me today while I was talking about my past and my current journey. It was just mentioned as an aside, no real weight to it. Just a statement of her personal preference. Everyone is different. Everyone has their own motivations and their own way of doing things. I do not judge anyone but myself. And stupid people. I judge stupid people. Anyway, she mentioned that she eats as she does simply because she loves food. That got me thinking. A lot, apparently.
Love is such an interesting concept. We use that word in a multitude of ways. I mean, how can you love a spouse AND love pizza? Love seems to be the key to a variety of things in life. If you don't love your job, you tend toward misery. If you don't love your significant other, someone gets tired of trying and leaves. If you don't love your kids, you may end up raising a sociopath or two. Love is a very powerful thing. And so is loathing...
Somewhere along the way, I think I cornered the market on self-loathing. Ask anyone, I have always been my own worst critic. Nothing I do is ever good enough..for me. As I've discovered, that is a dangerous way of thinking in my chosen career path. Odd that I think that the last few years in my job, working with a lot of at-risk kids that I've discovered the real power of love. That I've discovered that maybe, just maybe it's OK to love myself. Or at least like myself.
I had a recent opportunity to see a tremendous documentary, "Inspire Me, Africa!" from UC Denver (Trailer to the left). In it, they said something that really resonated. And I paraphrase, "We tell our kids they can be anything they want. But how can we expect our students to be more than they are when we don't believe it about ourselves." There was just something so terribly empowering in that statement. It was like I was finally given permission to want to be more than I am. To put myself on near equal footing as those around me. I have begun to think that maybe this realization is what really led me to take the first step toward this point in my journey.
I've been the husky kid (read: fat). I've been the fat adult. And I've spent a little time as a more fit adult, as well. And I must say, that I have a much higher capacity for love when I feel good. And I feel the best when I'm running and eating well. So bringing it back on topic, I think I used to love food. But I am learning that I love me more. I love feeling well. I love feeling like I could climb Mt. Kilimanjaro. I love feeling like I want to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro. I love the feels I have when I am healthier. I love the energy, the passion, the excitement that is my life when I am well. Truly well.
In the end all we can change is ourselves. All we have is our life, our mind, our body, or consciousness. I want to share as much of that life with the people I cherish most. My wife, my kids, my family, my friends, my students. I want to be the best me I can be and I can't be he if I sit around like a tree. OK, that was a bit silly, but I'm gonna leave it in anyway. I want to leave with a quote from one of my favorite films of all time. It sums up the power that love has in our lives.
"Love. You can learn all the math in the 'verse...but you take a boat in the air that you don't love...she'll shake you off just as sure as the turn of the worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she ought to fall down...tells you she's hurting before she keels. Makes her a home."
-Capt. Malcolm Reynolds to River Tam, Serenity (2005)
Stats for Day 11:
Food Intake:
Breakfast: My Signature Fresh Fruit Smoothie
Lunch: My Signature Ginormous Salad Mix with Turkey
Dinner: 3 Eggs on Homemade Whole Wheat Cheddar Biscuits (needed a big calorie intake today)
Snacks: Fuji Apple
Movement:
Type: Interval Run
Workout: 1 minute walk/ 2 min. 30 sec. run
Distance: 4.35 miles (GPS)
Time: 43 min.
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