Day 2: Raised to Fail

Day 2:  03-03-2013

I was raised to fail.  I said it.  Out loud.  Sort of.  Of course, I am talking about food and food management.  In all other areas of my life, I was taught very clearly that I will get whatever I am willing to work for.  But for some reason, I was never taught to apply this to food, fitness, or health.  Now, I love my parents very much.  My parents love me very much.  Love has nothing, and everything, to do with it.  I thing that it was out of love that my bad health habits formed.  The 80's was time of plenty for the US.  The idea that it was ok to feel hungry was nowhere to be seen or heard.  We were told of all the starving children in Africa.  Repeatedly.  Our parents were encouraged to not let us go hungry.  I routinely heard growing up that I should clean my plate.  We don't want to waste food.   I was prepared for a different world than the one I moved into.  When you're little and metabolism is something just shy of cheetah's, you can pretty much eat what you want.  Come on, I grew up on Mac & Cheese, Pizza, McDonald's, and Mom's fried taco's.  My dad's biscuits and gravy were a regular staple for breakfast or dinner.  And the sugar frosted chocolate diabetes bombs I had for breakfast most days was awesome.   However, just because you can have or do something, doesn't always mean you should.  At some point, your metabolism joins the real world.  And if your habits and food choices suck, then your metabolism rears its angry head and bites.  Hard.

Still, I did OK   I was bit "husky" during my late elementary/junior high years.  But then something wonderful happened.  I discovered football.  I went out and made the 8th grade football team and just like that, my childhood metabolism was back.  I never made the connection that working out a million hours a day is what allowed me to eat 2 XL McDonald's Value meals in one sitting and still be hungry.  No one ever taught me the whole input/output ratio matters.  The idea of eating to live.  Eating what I needed to survive most days was ideal.  I always ate because it was there.  Because I had two brothers that would it first if I didn't dig in right away.  Because I was reminded how fortunate I was to have food and I should take advantage of that.  Because I had to clean my plate (that was usually loaded for me) before I could be excused.  So yeah,  I developed some pretty insane eating habits.  Habits I am still fighting to this day.

Then one day a missed tackle by a teammate took football away.  My priorities in life shifted.  But my eating habits didn't.  22 years of "training" is a lot to cast off.  Especially when you don't realize their impact until its too late.  I'm only now learning that it is never too late.  For example, it turns out you can't eat 5000 calories a day without burning 5000 calories that same day.  Input/Output.  Just that simple.

That is what I aim to change.  I am just beginning to learn what my body sounds like, how to listen when its hungry or full.  When it's tired and needs a break.  When it's bored and needs to move.  I know the path I need to walk, to run, to ride.  Now I need follow that path. Knowing only does so much.  It's action and application that changes the dynamic.

I know these are mostly bits of ramble, but they are helping me to stay focused.  Knowing that towards the end of each day I am going to put down a journal of my fitness related activities is powerful.  I'm finding that I want to have something to post.  I want to brag to myself.  I want to be able to go back and see where I've been.  The human memory can only old so much in the way of specifics.  I imagine I will have more to ramble

All of those musings aside.  Day 2 has been smooth.  I have eaten well today.  I got a cool 60 minutes on the elliptical again and swam for about 20 minutes.  Then had the audacity, the energy, to do laundry and wash dishes.  I even played with my kids.  I mean actually played.  We ran, we wrestled, we played.  I was amazed by the burst of energy I had AFTER my workout.  I know I've had the feeling before.  Now, I want to remember it.  I want to share it.  I want it to become part of me for the remainder of my days.

I am 2 days closer to finding me.