Day 7: The day that almost was...

Day 7:  03-08-2013

The Snoozemonster hit me hard this morning.  I had parent- teacher conferences until just after 8 pm last night and came home exhausted.  12 hours of teaching, conferencing and parenting can take a lot of a man.  So when 6 am hit this morning, I was less than motivated to workout.  And I snoozed.  Not once, not twice, but 5 times.  I crawled out of bed around 7:15 am and I was not ready to be a part of this world.  But responsibility beckoned!

About an hour into my day the guilt set in.  You know that, "I could've worked out if.  I should've worked out but. I would've worked out if only..."  feeling?  Yeah, I'm used to it.  It's been the bane of my existence and my best friend for the last 15 years.  It's been eating at me all day.  I kept feeling bad, then making excuses, then accepting defeat and all while managing 22 first graders.

Then I remembered that I am done with that stranger.  That odd fellow that did creep into my life so many years ago and replaced bits of me at a time.  The one who slowly changed just enough of my body and mind so that I was still recognizable, but wasn't me.  I know who I am.  I know what I want.  I want to be free.  Free of the of the doubt, the guilt, the fear and self-loathing.  Free of the sleep apnea that has plagued me since adding more weight than my frame could bear.  Free of the inability to do the things I want but can't because my physical state won't allow it.  I know who I am and I know what I want in this season of my life.

And that is when I got home from work, dropped off the kids, said hey to the wife and went right back out to run.  I was just going to hit the elliptical and maybe some weights, but the great outdoors called.  55 degrees and overcast, a cool breeze and the threat of rain.  How could I NOT go outside to run?  I set up my intervals, which I've increased by 15 seconds from a cool 2 minutes of running and 1 minute walk breaks.  I figured that if I could hit 3 miles at this pace it would be a solid effort.  46 minutes later I walked into my complex gym.  I had just completed 4.16 miles of intervals.  I was in the zone.   I have been back at this for 7 days.  Seven glorious, fretful, worrisome, and wonderful days.  Quite plainly, this introspection that I have been doing the last several days.  This has been huge.  I have never put this much of myself out there for myself, let alone for others to possibly see.  It keeps me honest.  I didn't want to report that my day had ended with that snooze button.  I want to go back and look and see that I almost quit.  I almost failed.  I almost lost. But I didn't!

Tomorrow is my first weigh-in in a week. I am nervous.  But I got this!

Day 7 is done.  A life of freedom awaits...